Finding your way through times of change

When life changes and you’re not sure what comes next

You might recognize some of these experiences when you think about life transitions:

• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed by an upcoming or recent change

• Questioning your identity, purpose, or direction in life

• Feeling disconnected from people, places, or activities which once felt familiar

• Experiencing sadness or grief about something which changed or ended

• Having difficulty making decisions or knowing what you want

• Experiencing signs of depression or anxiety

• Feeling lonely or misunderstood, like people don’t recognize the emotional impact of what you’ve gone through

Sometimes these feelings arise during a clearly defined transition. Other times they arrive to us as information as you reevaluate your priorities, relationships, and responsibilities. You might even feel relief or happiness considering change, assuming it’s a change you’d like!

The truth is meaningful change is you can feel hopeful about what’s ahead while also grieving what you’re leaving behind. And holding that spectrum of feelings can be a lot! Often our nervous systems do not like uncertainty and the unknown.

Ambiguous grief: When loss doesn’t have closure

With ambiguous grief, there’s a change in situation, and there’s not an opportunity to formally grieve like our society does with the loss of a life. There’s not a sense of closure, and it can be difficult to feel validated or seen in what you’re experiencing. This can be noting a cognitive or memory decline in a parent, where they’re still physically still here, but the insight and full personality you knew before is slipping away.

Other examples of ambiguous loss can include:

• Experiencing a chronic or serious health condition

• Noticing changes in relationships or family dynamics

• Taking on a caregiving role for someone you love

• Losing a sense of independence

• Being in a career or professional identity which no longer fits

• The loss of an expected future or identities you expected (homeowner, parent, etc)

Because these losses aren’t always visible or known, it can be difficult to feel permission to grieve. We can sometimes tell ourselves it’s not that bad, or even not feel comfortable discussing these losses to someone else.

But for you, something did change, there are feelings to be explored and tending needed, because this is an important loss or shift for you.

Life transitions, anxiety, and depression

Periods of significant change can bring up emotions (and sometimes complicated or competing emotions). Experiencing uncertainty can lead to nagging worry, difficulty making decisions, or a sense of losing control. You can notice yourself playing back conversations, planning for the worst-case scenario, and struggling to feel settled.

Others find themselves feeling sad, hopeless, lonely, or confused by a loss of interest in activities that once felt meaningful. For some, these can be signals of anxiety or depression.

The bigger questions about meaning and purpose can arise alongside the day-to-day challenges of experiencing a transition.

How therapy can help during major life transitions

Therapy provides a dedicated time to slow down, pay attention to what you’re experiencing, and process what’s happening. In many ways therapy provides a container for you to wonder about what’s happening and where to go next. The work of therapy can include:

• Making sense of change: We can explore what changed, what now feels difficult, what feels better, and what aspects might you be grieving.

• Navigating uncertainty: Using CBT techniques, we can work together to understand the fears, anxieties, and thoughts which arise when the future feels consuming.

• Exploring identity and purpose: During periods of change we have the choice to consider which parts of your identity you want to maintain and how some aspects are shifting.

• Processing grief and loss: A relationship with a therapist is different than other relationships which can lend itself to being a space to fall apart and express what you’re feeling.

• Understanding anxiety and depression: In therapy we recognize patterns contributing to distress and work to build additional skills to help you feel more grounded and supported.

• Reconnect with your values: As life changes, it makes sense your priorities can shift as well. Therapy (ACT interventions) can help identify and clarify what matters most, and make more informed choice aligned with your values.

My approach to therapy

My approach is to be collaborative and attuned to your needs and priorities. I tend to draw from:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help identify patterns and adapt thought patterns which can contribute to anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of being stuck.

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is helpful in clarifying your values, which can help in making informed choices.

• Narrative therapy provides a framework to explore the stories and meaning you make from the stories you tell yourself. trengths-based practices.

• A strengths based lens also allows us to consider how to build on the resources and skills which feel most complentary to you.

Not every transition is horrible, and not every transition can be managed by yourself. Therapy is often an opportunity for someone to travel alongside you and provide support along the way.

Is therapy for life transitions right for you?

Participating in therapy doesn’t require you to experience a specific event, a situation to be “bad enough,” or have a clear goal. It can be as simple as wanting to check in with someone not invested in specific outcomes as your friends and family.