Adjusting to retirement
Finding meaning beyond work
When most people consider retirement, financial planning is often the focus. But as the CBS Evening News and AARP have highlighted, preparing for the emotions which arise in retirement is just as essential. Retirement means a sudden stop to the structure, wardrobe, and relationships which have marked five days a week for decades. Especially towards the end, you may not love what you do, but it provided a lot of knowns and stability to life. A profession can also provide purpose to life and a specific identity within a community. But what comes next?
Emotional planning for retirement includes more than how to fill your days and calendar. It includes considering how you’d like to feel, what roles you’d like to take on, the legacy you want to shape, and how your existing relationships can evolve, to name a few. There’s much potential for excitement and choice. It can also bring feelings of grief, confusion, and anger, which aren’t necessarily bad, but those emotions do need a supportive space to be navigated and attended to.
Five emotional stages of retirement
Everyone’s retirement experience is different and nuanced. In general terms, the organization Health Partners has identified the five most common stages of retirement.
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The primary focus is on making plans for the big day and upcoming transition.
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Retirement is here, and there’s a novelty of freedom and momentum towards exploring new activities. Also known as the honeymoon phase.
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The excitement of retirement has leveled out, and it is common to experience the reality of retirement not living up to expectations.
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There’s a pause and opportunity to evaluate and course correct how to approach retirement moving forward.
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This final stage is experienced in a retirement lifestyle in alignment with needs and expectations.
Similar to most experiences in life, there’s nuance and variety in how each individual navigates retirement. The timeline and intensity can vary deeply, accounting for the past, support systems, resources, health, and expectations. It can also be quite lonely if you are navigating this change outside of a cohort. Help Guide also notes the following common challenges for those transitioning to retirement, which I’ve expanded upon here.
Challenges for adjusting to retirement
Change in structure and rhythm to the day
It’s common to face challenges in relaxing and switching from needing to “being on” to being comfortable with less structured time and responsibilities, especially early on in retirement. This makes so much sense when you consider for at least five days a week for decades, waking moments were directed by work responsibilities and rhythms. Similarly, especially for those in service related roles, much of the day was dictated by attuning and meeting the needs of clients. It gets quiet in retirement, and shifting to define your own day, instead of meeting the needs of others is quite a shift. Again, not necessarily a bad shift, but it is a change to navigate.
Redefining identity outside of work
Similar to having work define how a day is spent, who someone is can feel largely defined by what they do. When professional identity changes or is lost, it can bring with it doubts or questions about existence and purpose. There are still ways to build self-confidence and bring about meaningful impact, it will likely look different. There’s so much opportunity to be an important and valuable part of your community. It’s certainly an adjustment for many, but retirement is not the end!
Shifting roles and relationships
Despite living together with a partner for decades or years, it is very different to have a shift in how much one or both partners are at home. Sometimes a partner will miss the quiet time which came with someone else being out of the house. One partner could also want to shake things up within the house or routine, which is an adjustment the other partner doesn’t welcome.
Lastly, it can be disruptive to be at home for more hours in a day with your spouse or other individuals you live with. Sharing additional time together can be wonderful! But just like how your professional identity is experiencing a shift, your relationship with family is shifting. Often a spouse will miss the quiet time which came with someone else being out of the house, or pressure to do things together or maintain a sense of productivity.
Financial uncertainty
For most, up until the point of retirement, their financial goals focused on saving for retirement, then there’s an abrupt shift to spending, rather than earning. This can cause anxiety and an acute awareness of costs, especially if there is greater market instability. Often pursuing activities and addressing health concerns come with spending money, and there can be guilt or fear around having enough money or being a burden on others. There are resources available to help navigate both the emotional and financial challenges in retirement.
Coping strategies for retirement
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Most careers involved social interaction, and in retirement there’s often a greater effort to meet others and build additional social supports. As with all life transitions, it’s important to maintain social support and lean on helpful coping skills.
There’s much comfort and power in the community and not internalizing common challenges. It can be meaningful to provide support to others, and there will likely be times when help will be needed.
Social supports can come from family interactions, neighbors, staying in touch with previous co-workers, volunteering, hobbies or even part-time work. Sometimes activity based interactions can be easier to focus on doing something and not needing to talk or share with others.
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There are many adjustments which come with retirement. The most obvious is an absence of structure and routine to your day. Many people don’t like having to wake up early, commute, make small talk, and perform other functions of their job, but these are anchor points which offer consistency and social connections, which humans typically find useful in orienting themselves.
It can require different muscles to establish new supportive constants and interactions. Routines can start small, like having a consistent time to wake up or visiting the same coffee shop once a week. This can help orient your body to a schedule and maintain activity and mental stimulation.
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Retirement isn’t the end of someone’s story or value. It is quite an adjustment, and this is where having professional support can be helpful.
This support can come in the form of validating emotions, establishing new goals, exploring identity and values, and gaining communication skills to help with evolving relationships.
Closing thoughts
Those experiencing retirement have already navigated major life changes. Retirement is simply the next chapter, and there are many opportunities to find fulfillment and purpose in this period. If you’re interested in pursuing counseling or therapy, contact me for a free consultation. It doesn’t have to be navigated alone, and there are supports to help in this adjustment. I wish you much joy and laughter!
