The emotional weight of work stress and anxiety
A Counselor’s perspective
Work doesn’t exist in a vacuum. The stress, pressure, and expectations we carry in our career often spill into our physical body, spirit, and relationships. As a counselor, I see how deeply the emotional weight of work can impact people, especially when it feels like there’s little hope for relief. It can feel difficult to keep up, push back, or rest. The blurry line between work and personal life can make it difficult to see where there’s no pressure. It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and exhausted, especially if you are in a field or workplace that isn't built for wellbeing.
There can be alternative ways to respond to workplace stress and anxiety. There are options for greater care through boundaries, support, and small shifts that can make a real difference. There are many variables outside our control, but there is always hope.
Choice still remains, when control is limited
Viktor Frankl captured a powerful truth in the simple idea: “Control the controllable.” This isn’t about ignoring pain, injustice, or frustration, because those are real and valid. It’s about recognizing that while we can't always change our circumstances, we can choose where we focus our energy and how we respond.
Maybe your company has instituted a freeze on promotions or internal mobility. That’s discouraging, especially if you’ve been putting in the effort, delivering results, and doing everything “right.” You might feel undervalued, overlooked, or stuck. It’s completely understandable to feel frustrated.That deserves space. But at some point, if we stay in that space too long, it can start to eat away at our motivation, our confidence, and how we show up in our personal relationships.
There’s a choice: you can feed the frustration, vent with coworkers about how unfair the situation is, and let resentment quietly take root, or you can redirect that energy toward what is within your control. You can’t change the company policy, but you can choose how you want to move forward.
Maybe that looks like setting firmer boundaries around your time and energy. Maybe it means taking advantage of learning and development resources to prepare for your next opportunity, inside the company or elsewhere. Maybe it’s a chance to re-evaluate how much of your identity and self-worth are tied to your job, and start investing more in your life outside of work. There’s a chance to focus on rest, life outside of work, or community, things which don’t require a performance review to prove your worth.
To be clear: this doesn’t mean dismissing real pain or pretending injustice doesn’t exist. It doesn’t mean gaslighting ourselves into forced optimism. What it does mean is choosing, gently and intentionally, where to place our energy when the bigger picture is out of our control.
Feelings aren’t weakness, they’re regulation
Feelings can be uncomfortable, heavy, and overwhelming. They can feel like obstacles standing in the way of moving forward. They are messy detours to skip on the way to doing something productive, like problem solving. Focusing on solutions can get us through a moment, function, and even survive. And in high-stakes roles like healthcare, emergency response, or caregiving, there’s often no time to pause. In those moments, setting emotions aside isn’t a failure. Rather it's a strength. It helps people save lives, stay calm, and do what needs to be done.
But when the crisis passes, the emotions which didn’t have time to process can surface in unexpected ways. It could be snapping at a loved one, feeling overwhelmed by small things, or approaching conversations with more tension than you intended. Sometimes we call it “coming in hot.” This is when our body is still carrying something our mind hasn’t had a chance to process.
In counseling, we use the phrase “sit with your feelings.” And if that sounds impossible or even a little annoying, you’re not alone. For many of us, sitting with emotions can feel unproductive, indulgent, or even frightening. Sitting with your feelings isn’t about wallowing or overthinking. It’s an act of compassion toward yourself. It’s about making room for your inner experience without judgment. About listening to what your body and heart are trying to say, so you can move forward in a way that’s more grounded, more kind, and more aligned with who you truly are.
When we give ourselves even a little space to acknowledge what we’re feeling, we begin to respond rather than react. We breathe. We create a bit of distance between the emotion and the action. Feelings aren’t the enemy. They’re messengers. And when we meet them with gentleness, they can become pathways to deeper understanding, healing, and connection, with ourselves and with others.
Work culture often pushes limits
Some work environments slowly chip away at our boundaries, not through overt demands, but through small, consistent messages that suggest we should be available, adaptable, and always “on.” It shows up in the details: catered meals that quietly encourage staying late, gym memberships in the building so you don’t have to leave, or praise for those who answer emails into the night.
Some of these benefits are supportive. But often, the motivation for these perks are less about caring for well-being and more about productivity. It’s about how to keep you working.
As a counselor, I see how environments like this can quietly train us to ignore our own limits. The lines between “doing your job” and “doing too much” become harder to see. This can be tricky, as these behaviors often start from a place of good intention. We want to be helpful. To be seen as dependable. And sometimes, these are the required demands in systems where boundaries haven’t been modeled or supported.
But over time, there’s a cost. When you carry emotional labor, unpaid work, or the stress of constant availability, it often doesn’t just stay at work. It can bleed into your home life, your body, your sleep. It can leave you feeling irritable, detached, or like you’re not quite yourself anymore.
If you’re working in a low-boundary space, adjusting boundaries or your ways of working can feel arduous. It can likely be unlearning years of patterns that told you your needs didn’t matter. But they do. They are a path to more sustainable care for yourself, and ultimately, for others too. They’re about clarity. An example is pausing before saying yes, especially when a role isn’t clearly defined. It could mean asking for clarification. It could mean protecting personal commitments and vacations.
We often talk about boundaries as a way to protect your energy and remain in alignment with your values in counseling. Discomfort is not the same as danger. In facing the discomfort, we often find more peace, more presence, and more of ourselves on the other side.
Expectations can be greater than reality
It’s human to be overly ambitious with our time. We make plans assuming our day will go smoothly without interruptions, no unexpected meetings, and endless focus. But real life is rarely that neat. Emergencies pop up. You get tired. Your brain doesn’t cooperate. And suddenly, your well-intentioned plan feels like a personal failure.
It’s not that you failed the day. It’s that the expectations were unrealistic to begin with. When we hold ourselves to idealized standards, we set ourselves up for unnecessary shame. Instead, what would it look like to plan your time with reality in mind?
Everyone’s focus and energy ebb and flow. Some people notice they can’t do big-picture thinking until late afternoon, while others feel tapped out after morning meetings. Rather than pushing against those patterns, many find relief in adapting to them. By matching the right task to the right energy window, it can result in being more productive, and also more self compassionate. This is part of a strengths-based approach: recognizing what works for you and leaning into it. It’s not about pushing harder. It’s about working smarter, with more kindness.
Sometimes, what feels like a productivity issue is actually a sign that your role or environment simply isn’t a match. That realization can feel discouraging, but it’s important to remember: it’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s just information. By noticing, you open the door toward work that better honors who you are.
A need for community beyond your company
When we’re overwhelmed, anxious, or burned out at work, a common response is to isolate. Long hours, chronic stress, or simply feeling misunderstood in the workplace can make it hard to reach out or maintain relationships outside of your job. Sometimes, there just isn’t energy left over. But over time, disconnection can compound the very struggles we're trying to manage.
We’re not meant to do life alone. Humans are inherently social. And even when we’re exhausted or hesitant, building meaningful community—especially outside of work—is one of the most powerful supports we can create for ourselves. Pulling back can feel like self-protection. And sometimes it is. Especially if you’re feeling unsupported or stretched thin in your job, the idea of seeking connection elsewhere can feel overwhelming or even disloyal.
When you begin to create space outside of work—whether that’s through friendships, creative groups, volunteering, faith communities, or professional networks. You give yourself a chance to be seen in a fuller way. You expand beyond your job title or to-do list. You give yourself room to breathe.
Community also creates a buffer. When things at work are difficult or uncertain, your sense of identity and belonging doesn’t rest entirely on your professional role. You remember who you are beyond what you produce. A broader community is part of creating a life which supports you, regardless of what you produce at work.
The importance of life outside of work
You step outside the day-to-day pressures of your environment in therapy. A counselor or therapist isn’t in your Slack channel, your friend group, or your family text thread. This allows them to offer a grounded, outside perspective that’s not shaped by office politics or personal expectations. Sometimes, just having someone reflect back what they hear, without agenda, without judgment can be the start of providing clarity.
Therapists help you explore the bigger picture. They may notice patterns: like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or chronic over-functioning, which didn’t start at your current job. These patterns often have deeper roots: beliefs about worth, prescribed family roles, or what you need to do to be “successful.”
Therapy gives a space to explore those core beliefs, and perhaps alternatives if it’s time for a change. Therapy can influence your career, how you experience life, relationships, and a sense of self. It’s an investment in you, regardless of your productivity. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with your values, voice, and broader experiences, like experiencing more joys and pleasure in life. Like with the above section about community, you aren’t meant to go at life alone. Therapy is another option for supporting you.
Healing and help are within reach, even when work feels heavy
The emotional burden of work is real, and so are the possibilities for change, healing, and support. Even in environments where much is out of your control, there are still choices, sometimes small but powerful ones. There are choices to acknowledge your feelings, set boundaries to protect wellbeing, celebrations for progress made, and opportunities to cultivate a community to reinforce that we are not alone. They are also trained in providing professional support. There’s strength in asking for help, and there’s hope in knowing that things can get better. One step, one boundary, one breath at a time.
